It was 3:00 A.M. and I couldn't sleep. That seems to be the way things have gone since my surgery seven weeks ago. This insomnia seems to be environmental in the making. It's partly due to the pain that seems to strike in the middle of the night. And then there are those racing thoughts that come once I'm awake. How am I going to....? What am I going to do when.........? I can't believe I have to..... and what about? You get the idea, right?
Well, my biggest hurdle after being immobile for five weeks was to be able to get off of my porch since my strong man, who wheeled me off for various appointments, was leaving the country for three weeks. My prayer request for everyone who asked was:"Pray that I can get off the porch!" I couldn't even walk. How in the world was I going to be able to get off the porch until I could put weight on my foot? On and on my thoughts would go until anxiety and fear were my companions in the night instead of peace and rest. Pain and fatigue increased my fear and didn't help with the clarity of my thoughts.
Well, to make a long story short, physical therapy came none too soon. By the time I left the therapist's office after the first appointment, I was walking to the car with the aid of a walker. Yep, I, the one who had worried, fretted and cried for days about this possibility,,had walked to the car!!!! Not only that but I walked onto the porch and into the house.
Amazing, right? For me, absolutely!!!!!!!! God had answered my prayer about being able to "get off the porch" before John left. So, what's the point of this blog entry? Just to encourage your heart that God answers our prayers in His time and that He is faithful. Well, not exactly.
Would you believe, after my walking victory, the next time I got up to walk I couldn't move? Yep. That's right. I was frozen in place. I couldn't remember what to do next. I was stuck and had to call for help. It had only been 5 weeks since I'd walked uninhibited to carry out the tasks before me.
In the middle of the night as I was fretting about forgetting, God gently reminded me to go back to what I knew. The therapist had taught me how to hop and I had rehearsed those steps in my mind. So, I thought if repeated them, it would trigger my ability to remember to walk. Guess what? It worked!!!!!!!
In all of this, God reminded me to go back to what I know to be true about Him as well. There is no formula like the physical therapist gave me for walking but there are truths that I can cling too even when I'm stuck and don't know how to move in a spiritual sense. There are things that are true of me as a new creation in Christ (2 Cor.5:17) that may not always feel true in a given moment. I can choose to live like they are true of me regardless of my feelings.
Just because walking didn't feel natural to me anymore, didn't mean that I wasn't meant to walk again. I just had to remind myself how to walk over and over and choose to do it. I'm happy to say that the walking is coming much more easily now. I believe the same thing is true of me spiritually. As I am transformed by the renewing of my mind (Rom. 12:1) and learn to live as though what God says in His word is true about me,I will begin to walk like the new creation in Christ that He says I am. It will be moment by moment. One choice (or step)at a time empowered by His Spirit in me. That sounds like the kind of walk I want to have. How about you?